Brandon Rogers Wikia
Brandon Rogers Wikia

Grandpa Hates Valentimes is the third Grandpa skit, and the first in nearly six years. It was posted on February 13th, 2015, and as of April 2016 has nearly five million views.


Grandpa awakes to find the living room decorated for Valentine’s Day by Samantha, the “oldest one”. He mentions this to a neighbor from across his fence. Samantha then tries giving Grandpa flowers, but he’s allergic and asks if she wants him to pass.

In the kitchen, Grandpa tells Timmy, the “youngest one”, to quit playing with their dog’s asshole when he has an iPhone. He too mentions this to his neighbor.

After randomly filling his day-marked prescription container, Grandpa tells the children to put their shoes on as they're leaving in five minutes. One of them talks back and loses privileges after dinner.

While driving, Grandpa describes nearly being robbed by a ballerina last week. The woman tried to make him pass, but she spun away. Arriving at Wal Mart, he thinks the yellow piece of their logo is intentionally an asshole.

In the store, Grandpa uses a blood pressure tester but feels it’s too tight and tries relieving the pressure. He mistakes a bag of chicken and vegetables for dog food and takes it, only to soon not want it anymore and push it in a pill bottle shelf. In between then, he tells Timmy to pull up his pants and is distracted by televisions for sale (stock footage of Strange Magic). One of the children tries buying Valentine’s candy, but Grandpa says, “Put that back I’m not buying you all that mess/meth.” The child throws it at Grandpa and he dares them to try something else.

Driving out, Grandpa believes the trees are stealing his oxygen. They drive to different locations afterward, namely the desert & surrounding city. During this, Grandpa hangs onto a building, wanting a pharmacist. He stands on the road (their car is missing), saying he lost his heart several Valentines ago. Samantha tries giving Grandpa flowers again, but he rejects them. He's seen in seemingly a lot for small aircraft loading his Pamper, then walking down the desert road in search of a pharmacist.

Samantha tries a third time to give Grandpa flowers outside a building. Telling her to shove them up her asshole, he trips on the curb & lands in a flower patch.

The video ends with Grandpa standing in his backyard.


  • The candy scene’s become the Try Me Bitch Vine meme.