Helen Brownstein, (AKA Hall Monitor Helen or Ball Brownstein), is a bitchy and abusive hall monitor of an atrocious elementary school, interviewed in the video Hall Monitor Helen. She also has a alternate persona, Ball Brownstein, who is a swimming coach at the same school.

She's been a hall monitor and detention teacher for around fifteen years, trying and failing to police a school of sociopathic children. The children supposedly regularly rape each other, defecate themselves, molest each other, draw graphic and crude images of Helen getting raped, smoke weed in the bathroom, and light each other on fire. She believes that they go home to be molested.

Helen is eventually fed up with it all by the end of the video and quits. While seen still working in A Day At the Park, it is revealed the events which happened are merely from Timmy's imagination.

In A Day at the Beach, it is revealed that she was fired by Principal Morris. She later takes up a job as a lifeguard, where she finds a time machine and returns to the day where she was fired and kills Principal Morris.

In Stuff & Sam, she worked as an employee for the fraudulent adoption agency run by Bryce Tankthrust. Sam mimicked her appearance through plastic surgery in order to gain entry to the building without being caught.


Helen has short, brown, curly hair, and brown eyes. She wears black and brown framed glasses. She also wears lots of blue eye shadow and red lipstick.

She is seen in the video wearing a blue t-shirt adorned with cats, yellow gym shorts (which are later ripped off of her), blue socks, and black trainers. She also wears a red fanny pack, as well as a neon orange whistle, and a red and white megaphone (which she uses in the halls and the detention room).

She has very thick and unkempt pubic hair that shows through her lifeguard swimsuit in A Day at the Beach.

She is thought to not have very large breasts, as she comments that if she had the breasts as she has in the cartoon drawings of herself, then her husband wouldn't have left her.


  • She is an open drug abuser, possible homophobe & is bitter about losing her husband to a more attractive woman.
  • Helen is HIV Positive.
  • At 2:00pm, she experiences vaginal dryness, causing her to sit on the water fountain and splash water through her shorts.
  • Helen has gas issues.