|“||I have demons in [his brain], but Jesus is my helmet!||”|
— Sam in Sam's NOT having it
Sam is the roommate and a adoptive son of Donna, appearing in Sam's NOT Having It, A Day at the Park, Sam does HOLLYWOOD and in the short mini-series, Stuff and Sam. He is portrayed by Brandon Rogers.
Sam's flamboyant personality is described as usually cheerful, and has a dislike for pedophiles, or "Rapers."
The video starts with 38-year-young Sam introducing himself and showing the camera man around his house. While touring the house, he shows the camera some of his poses which incorporates items around the house (such as counter-attack, hat-time and pillow-party). Sam goes to leave, where Donna appears, saying Sam left her outside. Sam reveals that he has "demons" in his head, but that Jesus is his "helmet". He also shows the camera his collection of stained glass lamps. Sam talks about how he used to be a ball-pit supervisor until he quit due to a "hypodermic needle" presumably stabbing him. Back at home, Sam sorts through the mail, revealing that Donna has a parole officer and relies on food stamps. He and Donna get into an alteration with Sam calling Donna an "asshole", and Donna telling the camera that what Sam is drinking isn't actually milk implied to be semen. Later, Donna tries to play a card game with Sam, but it is obvious that he doesn't know how to play, mistakingly showing his cards to Donna and dropping his deck. However, Sam gets offended when Donna knocks down the small house he made out of his cards. Sam tells the Camera that in his spare time, he makes workout videos for mentally disabled people, which the audience is shown a series of clips from. He also shows a photograph from his performance for kids with cancer (whom he refers to as "sweet, beautiful orbs"). Other clips in the video show Sam riding his hoverboard around the city and crashing it when riding around the store. He also rides in between two gay men kissing (Diesel and Kevin, from "Angry Office Christmas Party"), calling out to them that he's "doing God's work". Later, he gets stuck in a rocket kiddie ride, and comments on balloons, Chinese lanterns, and apple kiddie rides being orbs (orbs being an obsession of his, it appears). A series of clips show Sam asking the cameraman to edit out certain clips, including tripping and knocking over a disabled man while riding his hoverboard, falling down the stairs, and accidentally falling head-first into a trash can in the street. The video ends with Sam saying how "average" he is, before eating a leaf from a tree. The credits roll while more clips from Sam's workout video play in the background.
Sam is seen having a picnic with Donna. Sam reveals that they are celebrating Donna's new job as a spokeswoman for Anisol. Sam shows that he has printed out motivational postcards for young disabled children. Sam goes out for a run, where Helen tells him to stop, he says that running is a good way to get fit, he runs into Jürgen's tent. Sam is seen again when Jimmy Rustler talks to Timmy wearing his "RAPIST" shirt. Sam tells Jimmy to leave, and checks on Timmy to see if he has been hurt. Sam gives Timmy a rape postcard and leaves. Jimmy swaps his shirt with Jürgen, Jürgen gets lost and finds Sam, Sam thinks Jürgen is a rapist, and attacks him.
Sam opens the video with him in a car, introducing the video, a gun is pulled to his head and tells him to drive, which Sam does. 3 hours earlier, Sam tells the cameraman he is going to Hollywood with Donna. Donna tells Sam to help him fix the car, which Sam refuses to do. In the car, Sam tells everyone that Donna is going for an audition for a company named "Cookie Creations". Sam arrives at the agency, and Donna tells him to pick her up at 17:00. Sam backs into a pram on the way out & claims that he doesn't have his licence yet. Sam decides to visit the Hollywood streets, and visits several shops and people, he meets Sugar Lips and his gang, who he asks if he has a celebrity body. It is revealed that the name of the cameraman is Donovan. Sam goes to a comedy club where he tells a fairly weak joke, and is paid $40 to leave. On his way out, a man on a fire escape asks Sam if he has any drugs on him. Sam says he does (misunderstanding the question). Sam goes to get party food and games. He brings everything in, and everyone plays Scrabble until one of the guests overdoses on cocaine. Sam thinks one of the guests fell asleep & tells him to wake up. The party host asks the drug dealer what he sold him and shoots him, the host takes Sam into a car and forces him to drive, Sam shows the dealer one of his inspirational videos, & runs out the car. He finds Donna, and the two go home, while telling Donovan (secretly Bryce Tankthrust's PA) to leave.
|“||My syndrome might be down but my hopes are up!||”|
— Sam to the camera man in "A Day at the Park"
- Sam, (despite the stereotype) is straight.
- In the mini series, he mention several times that he has homophobia and a hatred for gay people, despite his stereotype.
- Sam has appeared in 3 videos and in his mini series.
- As indirectly mentioned by Donna, Sam may have no genitals.
- He has a mini series about him and him wanting to become (not in a dirty way) a daddy by adopting a baby.
- In his mini series it is revealed that he was adopted by Donna.
- In his mini series it is also revealed that he originally had 2 friends, Geoffrey (who was actually a dummy and was also imaginary), and Damien, (who he probably also praises the devil).